Rooney

I like footballers who do things differently. There are so many clones in the Premiership now, players who are flown in from other countries then leave before you get a chance to know anything about them. I like players with a story. My favourite player of all time, for example, is Eric Cantona. I always liked him because of his skill, the way he turned his collar up, his style on and off the field, but he didn't cement his favourite-ever place in my heart until he kung-fu kicked a racist Crystal Palace fan during a game. From that point on, everything he did pushed him above all the faceless modern players. The way he turned up at a press conference after the incident, the world's media desperate for a quote, and said: "When ze seagulls follow ze trawler, it is because zey sink sardines will be srown into ze sea. Sank you". Then he left. When he returned from his ban, it felt like a movie, like a war hero presumed dead had returned and filled everyone with hope. I know it sounds like I'm being melodramatic but I still get worked up over football now and at this point I was only 10. And then he retired at 30, wanting to quit at the top of his game, a decision which made me angry at the time but with hindsight just makes Cantona seem even more perfect. Some other players might have had his skill, but not his effortless cool.



Nowadays, my favourite player is Wayne Rooney, because he is also different. He's a big, fat, stupid, ugly ogre of a player who looks like he shouldn't be any good, but he's incredible, and there's something wonderfully English about that. When the modern blueprint of a world-class player seems to indicate a skinny, diving poser with flowery skills (think Christiano Ronaldo), Rooney is the opposite. He gets his goals by knocking people out of the way, he stays on his feet no matter how many centre-halves you throw at him, and when he tackles you, you stay down. And yet, and this is what elevates him to near-Cantona status in my mind, he can do everything these other, far less inspiring players can do: little tricks, delicate chips...he's even bloody fast, which doesn't look possible, like the way you wouldn't think a bumblebee could fly. In fact, a better example of that would be when he once celebrated a goal with a somersault that he had clearly worked on in training. It was so ungainly that it seemed like the stadium shook when he landed, but it was definitely a somersault, and I laughed out loud when he did it. He may not have the poetic turn of phrase of Cantona, but he also gives some great quotes. After Rooney got sent off against Portugal for appearing to stamp on an opponent's bollocks, he was asked if it had been deliberate. Rooney responded by saying that if it had been deliberate, the player would still be in hospital. I'm not saying he's a nice guy - I'm just saying he's bloody entertaining.