A Moment Of Shameful Materialism

My new MP3 player turned up the other day. I say my new one, but that implies it's the latest in a series and I've never actually had one until now. I hesitated in getting one because I wanted to make sure I got the right one for me. Forgive me for taking this search far too seriously, but I wanted a player with soul, one that I could keep for years because its design would be timeless.
I spent £105 on this player, and have just this moment spent another £17 on a big memory card to quintuple the player's previously tiny capacity, possibly leading you to the conclusion that I've been a bit of an idiot because I could have got a half-decent iPod for the money I've spent. I have some sympathy with this opinion, because objectively, compared to any iPod, my player is a brick-shaped, brick-sized anachronism with the weight, style and storage capacity of...a brick.
And yet, I don't regret my choice. Yes, the iPod is much, much slimmer, but my player fits in my pocket and that's good enough for me - I don't jog. Yes, the iPod has a much slicker operating system in which you don't have to arse around endlessly to get tracks in the right order, but this choice was all about my personal taste, and the fact that my computer hasn't been infected with that virus called iTunes is a big bonus for someone as set in his ways as I am. Finally, there's the fact that iPods hold a lot more songs than my player, but 10Gb is enough for me right now, and anyway, that leads me onto the positives.
My MP3 player has a built-in storage capacity of 2Gb, which sucks, but it has an SDHC card slot, meaning I've already managed to turn that 2Gb into a respectable 10Gb. I can get all the music I listen to onto 10Gb, and the card sizes are going to get cranked up in the near future, so I'm all set. The other bonus about the card slot is that videos are no longer a problem. With a fixed capacity, you're always going to be looking over your shoulder as your video files eat up your finite disk space, but while you don't want to be swapping cards around to find your favourite album, surely there's an appeal to having a little collection of cheap SD cards in your pocket, filled to the brim with Scrubs or Simpsons? Not on an iPod....
But why am I fannying about with this slightly obscure logic when I could be taking big, meaty bites out of the iPod's credibility? Here are a few scenarios in which the tables are turned and the iPod becomes as much use as a brick:

1. You want to listen to the radio. You can't, and yet I'm hearing it loud and clear on my versatile MP3 player. I offer to record the show for you with my player's 'record MP3 from radio' function and give you the file on SD card to listen to later, but you realise you have no SD card slot.
2. Your favourite album is a rare piece of vinyl. You'd love to listen to it through your iPod on the train but your record player is in the living room, your computer is upstairs and the chances of you having the right leads are pretty small, even if you could be arsed. My player has a line input and comes with the correct lead.
   
3. It's dark. You've dropped your keys under your car. All you have is your iPod. You turn the screen up to max brightness and fumble around on the road but it's no good. I rescue the situation with the infeasibly bright LED torch on my MP3 player.
   
4. You're on a camping trip. Your iPod runs out of juice. No sockets out here, and yet my MP3 player appears to be having no trouble. Ah, that's because it runs for 40 minutes after one minute of winding it up. That's right - winding it up. I have a clockwork MP3 player. That's cool.
5. Still on the camping trip, your phone dies. You're stranded on a mountain and you need to call 999. You throw your iPod down the mountain in a feeble attempt to hit a fellow walker and attract their attention. Meanwhile, I am plugging your phone into my MP3 player with one of the many adapters provided. I flick the switch to 'external charge' and resuscitate your mobile using wind-up power.

I could go on. Built-in microphone? Check. Built-in speaker? Check. Ability to play Windows Media files? Check. The iPod should hang its head. I appreciate that not everyone loves gimmicks as much as me, but then I have a Master's degree in physics and you probably don't, so perhaps you should consider the possibility that I'm right. Conclusion: I love my Trevor Baylis Eco Media Player, even if it does have a very silly name.